Winter is coming and for those of us in the northern plains of the United States that means being prepared. Local weather stations are forecasting a major cold snap and snow beginning on Monday, signaling a sharp turn from Fall to Winter. In response to this, I have prepared a handy list to help you be prepared:
For the common sense group:
- Make sure you have enough of your important prescription medicines to last a couple of days.
- Look in your food pantry and refrigerator and reassure yourself that you have enough food for a couple of days.
- Drain and roll up your garden hoses.
- If you have a snow-blower, fuel it up and start it to make sure it runs.
- If you have a shovel, find it
- Locate your vehicle ice scraper and keep it handy
- Be prepared to help your elderly neighbor with shoveling or other needs
- You can find other extreme weather preparation advice here
For everyone else:
- Wait until the day before or the day of the storm, race to the grocery store and buy bread. Also potato chips, dip, beer, and any obscure video games that they may have in a surplus bin. Pay careful attention to what other people are buying and buy it.
- Buy a gun and as much ammunition as possible.
- Buy a video game system and games.
- Research the phone numbers for the city Street Department, Mayor’s Office, local newspaper and county or state Highway Departments in order to complain that your street wasn’t plowed fast enough, or at all.
- Practice composing Facebook posts using a sarcasm to English ratio of 3:1.
- Notice how quickly your neighbors shovel their sidewalks. Complain if they don’t.
- Don’t bother shoveling your sidewalk, the sun will melt it.
- As soon as the snow accumulation peaks, take your two-wheel drive vehicle on an errand-running rampage, or just for a drive.
- When you and your two-wheel drive vehicle are stuck (in the middle of the road) make note of the time. Count the minutes as hours. Use your smart phone to take dozens of photos, surf the internet and post to social media. Call 911. Demand that a snow-cat and the National Guard be dispatched immediately to rescue you. Use helpful phrases such as: “I pay your wages!” Or “How hard can it be to come push my car out of the drift.” When you get home, repeat step 5 above.
- Complain that the schools were closed, or;
- Complain that the schools were not closed
- Assure yourself that if you were in charge, things would be different.
Listen folks, we will have extreme weather this season. Contrary to what the White House believes, man cannot alter the climate. Heck, we can barely respond to it most times. It’s up to each one of us as individuals to stay calm, be responsible and think through these intense but temporary situations.
My advice: Watch the news, listen to the warnings of public officials and breathe. It will be ok.